Because sometimes somethings are better left alone until they are found out.

This week two people close to my heart will be leaving garland: My best friend and her roommate, and my dad. BF will be leaving tomorrow. Dad leaves tuesday night or wednesday morning.

Now then what does this matter? I will be able to see both with due time and I'll be missing them until they come back home. But that's the thing. I won't. I came to the realization yesterday that I don't give a crap. I'm tired of putting up with people's crap, yet I won't do anything about it.I tried going for the Asshole route but ended up back on the road of nice guy. It's just someone I'll always be and really can't change as much as I want. The only thing I can do, is change the amount of 'niceness' that I give out. Never before have I shown that I am dissatisfied with the way an activity is going or annoyance with something I might be doing. NEVER. I'd rather keep my mouth shut about it and just go on with life. That's all I can do. And I will continue to do that, but the only difference will be that I won't be afraid to look rude about it. If you say you wanna "hang out" and it just turns into me taking you to a certain place or giving you a ride back home only because you don't have the balls to ask the other person for a ride, don't expect me to make any eye contact, or speak for that matter. Expect one word answers, a noncommittal grunt every now and then, or no answer. Whenever you read this, you will know who I am talking about.

I'm tired of being used without so much as a thank you from either side. I'm tired of not being in the loop of things because, again, you don't have the balls to say where you really want to go. Most of all I'm tired of the indirect lies that I continually fall for. Indirect how? Some people consider it a lie when you leave out details or certain information. Yeah I have no excuse to be saying this because I make it (not necessarily) a habit of making sure I can't be read by anyone unless I make it easy for them to do so. I know its not what you want to be reading but its the honest truth. How many times have you been able to look and read me, possibly "know" what may be running through my mind? I love helping. Don't get me wrong. I'm just tired of being used for and not asked for help (if that makes any sense). ESPECIALLY when I have to look someone in the face I respect very much, and I know I have their respect as well, and make up some lie or know that they are being lied to. The secret has been out. Accept it, as I know they have or are beginning to do so. You don't help yourself any by lying to them.

But as always, I will keep my mouth shut and continue with life. Nobody needs to be troubled with what I think. Just take into account that I do it out of the goodness of my tattered heart. I would like to think that I give unconditional love. The only thing I ever ask for is your true love back. Have I ever asked for anything else? If I have please feel free to explain.

As you can tell this didn't make much sense, for it was my rant of incomprehensible sentences.

Nice guys finish last.

Seize the Day